Finnish content creator Mikko Puttonen questions why we are still specifying what people should wear based on a binary conception of gender?
I recently got invited to a press event: a game night at a member’s club in London. Initially it sounded fun, but when I clicked the link to the dress code it made me raise my eyebrows.
“Members and their guests should be elegantly dressed and gentlemen are required to wear a jacket at all times,” it stated. The guideline admitted that times are changing and “in recognition of evolving style”, the club also accepted chinos and smart dark jeans for gentlemen instead of a full suit. Personally, I don’t mind dress codes in general, but I do find it problematic when there are rules of what is appropriate to wear based on gender. I scrolled down and found a list of what is permitted for guests to wear to the club and it was divided into two categories, ladies and gentlemen, as if nothing else existed beyond the binary idea of gender.
At the bottom of the page, there was the text “members or guests who are deemed inappropriately attired will be refused to entry.” Reading it made me feel very uncomfortable, but I can only imagine how someone who does not identify as either a “lady” or “gentleman” must feel when reading the list of dos and don’ts.
Photo: Getty
Gender-based dress codes are, of course, nothing new. Such rules have been discriminating against individuals throughout history. Even though we are slowly getting rid of them, or at least seeing more inclusive variations, the gendered dress code still exists on many occasions. I asked my audience on Instagram a few questions around the topic and received lot of interest and feedback.
One of the most common places where the individuals I had a chance to have a chat with faced discrimination was in clothing stores. Los Angeles-based creative and photographer Everett Williams told me that he faces gender-based dress codes and expectations whilst shopping everywhere from high-end department stores to thrift shops and fragrance shops. “I mean it’s everywhere,” he tells me. He often receives comments like “the men’s section is over there” or “this is women’s you know?”, not to mention weird looks when he is browsing clothes.
This has a direct negative effect on him. “It makes me feel like I shouldn’t be looking there, when I’ve actually found some of my most worn and most favoured items in the same section," he says. "I got looks like I was doing something weird or wrong.” Williams believes that gender is fluid and it should be reflected in stores. “We shouldn’t have men’s and women’s sections, we should just have clothes for anyone to shop whatever they like,” he says.
Williams was far from the only one to voice such sentiments. Based in Berlin and Copenhagen, Benjamin Schiffer has encountered similar responses when out shopping. “It unfortunately still happens too often that I enter stores and I am told: 'Oh but that's women's!'” he says. Some days Schiffer decides to educate the sales advisors but other days he decides to simply leave. “I do not want to support a business that thinks that I am not supposed to buy or wear a certain part of their assortment,” he tells me.
Photo: @everettwilliams
Gender-specific expectations also come into play on the other side of the till. Client advisor and personal shopper Sunny, who is originally from Shanghai and now lives in New York, is currently working for a womenswear brand. They tell me sometimes there are male customers who enter the store and ask for menswear. Sunny says that most of their coworkers turn these customers away without a second thought, yet feels that there are still items on sale in the shop that could cater to their needs and that the store would benefit from thinking beyond traditional gender binaries. “It puts a pause on people finding their true selves and what they truly like,” they tell me.
I myself mostly work from home so personally, it is up to me if I wear a suit, pyjamas, or an evening gown for a day at the office. And of course, the fashion industry is quite a big exception when it comes to unrestrained expression through clothes. Nevertheless, there are so many jobs and workplaces where strict rules do still exist.
Schiffer, whose wardrobe is mostly from the "women’s section" at shops, says he faced a lot of negativity while working as a waiter during his studies. “I often dealt with comments from the managers, chefs and guests problematising the fact that the pieces I wore were 'female',“ he says. "Managers pointed out to me that it would be easier for the guests if I just wore male clothes. Otherwise I would only confuse them.” Despite this, Shiffer feels he was actually one of the relatively lucky ones. “Fortunately, I was never absolutely forbidden to dress the way I dressed," he says. "However, it feels very uncomfortable when someone problematises your clothing style. At the end of the day, you just want to feel comfortable in what you are wearing. I am convinced that this is the absolute basis for doing a good job.”
He now works as a PR manager and model and has found it a more liberating work environment. “I feel privileged to work in an environment right now in which I can wear whatever I feel like without having to stress about if my clothing decision has a negative impact on my job,” he says.
Photo: Getty
In my personal opinion, if there has to be a dress code in the workplace, the best way for this to be enacted would be to respect everyone, including non-binary and trans employees and use gender-neutral wording and pronouns when creating guidelines on how to dress. Harmful and hatred-fuelled personal comments and aggressions should not be welcome in any workplace.
Another place where dress codes exist is obviously schools - not every school is like Euphoria High. Hannah Marie Cychy, who is originally from Frankfurt and is now studying Psychology at the University of Konstanz, grew up with a loving family who always let her wear the clothes she felt most comfortable in - no matter whether they were supposed to be for boys or girls. Unfortunately, not everyone at her school was as enlightened. “When I was 9 or 10 years old and still in elementary school, at some point I used to love wearing boys clothes," she says. "After some time, one of the older teachers asked me why I didn’t wear girls' clothes and that it would be much better for me.”
The bad experiences continued during her time in high school. When Cychy was around 15 there was a non-official dress code that said skirts, dresses and shorts should at least reach one’s knees. “One time our teacher made all girls stand up in front of the whole class and only the ones with clothes long enough were allowed to sit back down again. Everyone else was told that they could not dress like this at school. This day, apparently, I wore a dress that was long enough, although one of my friends didn't and told me how humiliated she had felt.” These negative experiences can leave long-lasting wounds and trauma that take a lifetime to heal.
Photo: Getty
School uniforms can help reduce bullying and create a more equal and united environment. Nevertheless, I personally believe clothes can be a great tool for children and teenagers to explore their identity and there should be different options for pupils to freely choose from. And I think that we are going in that direction. In 2019, a senior high school in Taiwan initiated a day where students could wear school uniforms from the opposite sex to fight against gender stereotypes and bullying, which later led to the world’s first gender-neutral school uniform.
We have also seen examples in Europe towards more inclusive school attire. Last year a pupil in Spain was expelled from school and sent to a psychologist for wearing a skirt. This started a national movement of male teachers wearing one for work to fight stereotypical gender norms. Shortly after a primary school in Edinburgh joined the movement and asked all pupils to wear skirts for a day to promote equality.
Dress codes and society rules are something that we have learned. Guilherme Sato Tominaga, a stylist and fashion art director based in Budapest, was born in Japan and raised in Brazil in a traditional Japanese family. “Fashion has always been a rough topic since men should be manly and dress a certain type of way," he says of the norms he experienced as a child. "I've always been taught that a man should wear men’s clothing, but what exactly is men’s clothing?" Tominaga does take some positives from the experience, saying that, "being affected negatively by comments and looks has built a stronger personality and made me the confident person I am today,” however he admits that reaching this point took years. “Discovering myself and who I am was a long and painful process of letting all my walls break down so I could build new ones with my own personality and not being what I’ve been told, or to dress in a way that I would be easily accepted by others, in their gender-based dress code.”
Jakarta based Music Teacher Kevin Hadinata Sumawijaya had a similar experience to Tominaga. “Growing up in a country where traditional and gender norms are very much everywhere is indeed hard," he says. "If someone dares to step out from the norms, they will get laughed and judged so hard. Even now, I'd have to say there are still so many young people being influenced by their elders and having these toxic traditional norms injected into their minds.”
Sumawijaya has loved fashion since he was a kid. “I was already breaking norms since I was 13 years old by wearing this silver glittery waistcoat, frills all over my blazer and lots of extravagant clothing," he says. "I receive quite a lot of judgement as well from people around me and my environment which I tried to ignore but turns out it affected me a lot when I was younger. It made me question myself, 'why can't I like this style of clothing that boys are only supposed to wear?'" In his opinion, gender-based dress codes do nothing but damage our identities and he finds serenity from the freedom of self-expression: “For lots of people, dressing up in their favourite clothing is an act of self-love which is good for their mental health.”
Bianca Jagger wore a suit for her wedding to Mick Jagger at the Church of St. Anne, St Tropez, 12th May 1971. Photo: Getty
Mikko Puttonen [right] and his partner Lucas Ruska Martin [left]. Photo: Christa Könönen
One more example of where the gender-based dress code is still very present is of course weddings. A gender-based dress code is often expected for everyone from the couple getting married to the guests. I have been in a serious relationship for nearly five years and people have started to ask about “the big day”. The most common questions are: “Who will be the bride?" Which of you will wear white?" "Who will walk down the aisle?” As if there would be only one way to have a wedding based on the idea of a man marrying a woman. I know that the questions are just out of curiosity but it shows how deeply the ideas of tradition are rooted in many of us. What I can tell you is that no one should worry about my wedding as whatever it is, it will be fabulous.
Weddings might be the most obvious example but the event dress code can appear for all kinds of formal occasion. Riikka Leinonen a political assistant, advocate for disability rights, and a dear friend of mine from my hometown Muurame who now lives in Helsinki, has mild cerebral palsy and she told me that there are major accessibility problems, especially when it comes to the formal dress code. These problems arise precisely from the use of gender-specific clothing. She started to break the dress code at prom where she decided to wear a dress with a shorter hem instead of a traditional full-length gown for more comfort. Leinonen loves party dresses but when she was wearing a "black suit" for the first time at a party she had an awakening moment. “I was like, why the hell have I been wearing long dresses and high heels for a long time when I am about to fall in them all the time,” she says. Since then she has been adding suits and flats to her wardrobe, with wearing them a feeling she describes as "incredibly liberating". She is no longer afraid to break the rules.
Circling back to the topic of the game night, I kindly declined the invite and explained that I don’t believe in a strictly gender-based dress code. What was great to hear was that the lovely PR representative was very thankful for my honest response and raised the topic internally. This is just a small step in the right direction but in this case, a step towards my personal favourite dress code" “come as you are.”