Lifestyle / Society

One year on: Vogue couples on what they learned from their first year of marriage

By Vanessa Mulquiney

Photo: Sus Wilkins and Freja Kirk

In the game of love and marriage you jump in and figure out the rest, right? Here are four Vogue Scandinavia favourites on how they spent the first year of wedded bliss and what married life has taught them

There’s no guaranteed how-to guide on the perfect marriage. From becoming the best version of yourself, to falling in love with art alongside your forever person, marriage is one ever-evolving life lesson, as these four couples have discovered.

Advertisement

Sus Wilkins – actor

"The most important promise Freja [Danish musician, Freja Kirk] and I made when we got married was to never change – evolve and do better, yes, but our relationship and the way we see life together, let’s hold on tight to that, let’s do everything we can for us to stay the same. We don’t want to feel different in our relationship because it is just perfect as it is. We want to keep on playing, be spontaneous, and act like kids (even more so as we get older).

"Marriage has taught me that it’s not that dangerous to have a huge fight. I knew that before, but I know it even more now – or maybe we make up easier and quicker.

"But more importantly, we have realised how important it is to gather the people we love together as often as possible. And since our wedding, we have been hosting reunions on the same weekend as our wedding, and it’s a tradition we’re going to stick to.

"In our wedding speeches we both said, in our own way, if I ever fall for another along the way, I promise I’ll do my very best to find you again. It may seem strange, but I think that it’s also beautiful and realistic. We love each other to the fullest and hopefully nothing comes in the way, but to say those things out loud to each other is love on a bigger level."

Sus and her Danish musician wife, Freja Kirk .

Jennifer Åkerman – Swedish model and musician

"Marriage has taught me so much already – there have been so many highlights and surprises. For one, I’m normally not good at living with other people or having roommates (maybe because I’m Swedish?) and I need my space, but Tom [British actor Tom Payne] and I are a good team, and this has been easy from day one.

"Marriage was another elevation of our love from the first encounter, to dating, to boyfriend and girlfriend, to fiancé, and then husband and wife. Then along came Harrison, our son and I just want to keep it going! Marriage is the highlight.

"Any relationship means commitment, sacrifice, and respect. I wasn’t really ready for all of this when I first met Tom but being with him has taught me to work on myself and to be a better version of myself – for me and him. It was hard in the beginning, but it was all worth it.

"One thing that has surprised me about married life is that even if we’re tired and accidentally snap at each other we’re able to apologise and move on. I’m positively surprised over the commitment we both continue to give to one another, and I love that."

Jennifer and her British actor husband, Tom Payne .

Søren le Schmidt – fashion designer

"The first year as a married man has been incredible. Our wedding was magical and joy-filled, and the following year has much the same. Over the past few years, a lot has happened in our lives, which has also meant that we have been very busy. However, my wife and I made a decision when we got married, and then again when we later became parents, that we must always remember to be each other's romantic partners. What I mean by this is that we have to remember to go on dates or out for dinner, take little getaways and really just remember to look into each other’s eyes every so often and talk about something other than diapers and planning.

"I think we are also quite good at remembering to really see one another and remembering to cultivate the relationship – it’s so important. It’s also crucial to give the other freedom to go out with friends individually. Even though we are married, we still have our own individual lives too – which quite naturally often merges with your partner's – but it’s healthy not to do absolutely everything together.

"Your needs will never be the same and it is important that you focus on exactly that. Love, honesty and positivity are definitely the main cornerstones which are most important to me in our marriage."

Søren and his make-up artist wife, Nikoline. Photo: Jannick Børlum

Flora Vesterberg – art historian and broadcaster

"Our first year of marriage has been partly experienced through the lens of art. As life with my husband Timothy [Swedish financier, Timothy Vesterberg] evolves across London and Stockholm, many important moments for us have been the exhibitions that we've experienced together.

"In Stockholm, our newlywed friends, the actress Frida Gustavsson and her husband, art historian Marcel Engdahl, recently invited us for dinner at Brutalisten where we had a memorable evening eating oysters amidst the private collection of Cartsen Höller, a conceptual artist represented by Gagosian.

"This photograph of us was taken by our friend Hubert Cecil at the Victoria & Albert Museum where we've just celebrated the opening of their brilliant exhibition Donatello: Sculpting the Renaissance. It felt like a very important moment as we both reflected on how the past informs our future."

Flora and her Swedish financier husband, Timothy Vesterberg. Photo: Hubert Cecil